SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE Sermon on 6-13-06
Scripture: Ephesians 4:25-5:2 and Psalm 130
Our Ephesians passage today has so much good advice. I want to focus on how we as individuals in our church may speak in such a way that it will build us up and increase our bond to each other and our faithfulness to God. In keeping with my efforts to make you laugh, I found a couple of sentences that relate to this and many other sermons. First, “the average person’s idea of a good sermon is one that goes over his head and hits a neighbor.” And another, “Be a peacemaker …always remember that it’s hard to shake hands with a clenched fist.” And a final one which I hope doesn’t apply to DCC too often, “She was said to be a great preacher—at the close of every sermon there was a great awakening.”
Any of you that have been around churches for any length of time can recall times of anger, bitterness, hurt—sometimes so great that people leave the church and may not come back to the same church or any church ever again. As your pastor I do my best to be aware and listen to these hurts and make suggestions of how conflict might be resolved and/or forgiveness be given and received. The easier problems to resolve are those that are out in the open as opposed to those simmering inside, known or unknown to all the parties involved.
The author of Ephesians was addressing a young church, a church that included Gentiles who didn’t have a clue on what was expected of them. Not just the Gentiles in the early church but our church today don’t always know or agree with what it means to tell the truth. I’ve mentioned before that growing up I was told, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Sound familiar? We probably would all agree that speaking the truth in love has more to do with how we say things than what we say. We have all know people that just blurt things out without thinking and wish later they had said things differently. And on the other side how many times have you heard folks say I can’t tell her/him the truth as I know it would hurt.
There is definitely confusion about what Jesus has said and done with anger. In Matthew 5, part of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus seems to come out strongly against anger, comparing murder and anger, both meaning one is liable to judgment. A couple of verses later, Jesus goes on to talk about reconciliation, “If you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister and then come and offer your gift” v.23-4. And of course we know that Jesus became quite angry at the money changers in the temple as well as rebuking his disciples, such as when Peter was trying to deny Jesus’ prediction about his crucifixion and resurrection. The Bible says, “he rebuked Peter by saying “Get behind me, Satan.” The wording in Ephesians is interesting: “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. And do not make room for the devil.” (v.26-7).
In my clinical social worker days, I use to do assertiveness training. For those that may be unfamiliar with the term, it means speaking in a way that doesn’t put anyone else down and still expresses what you want to say. Although anger is often aggressive, it can be assertive, non-abusive but fully expressing with a louder voice than usual and more emotion how one feels. Expressing anger in this manner is what Ephesians is talking about. I truly believe that it is not wrong to feel or express anger; although expressing anger in a destructive, demeaning way is not okay. Let me give you an example: let’s say your young children continue to pull the kitten’s tail after having been reprimanded several times. An assertive anger response would be: I am really getting angry with you. I have told you not to pull the cat’s tale; it hurts him. Now stop doing it!” An aggressive use of anger here might be like this, “Damn you! Are you a dumb idiot? How many times do I have to tell you not to pull the cats tail? (and maybe following up with a slap).
Anger is usually a secondary feeling. As a therapist I tried to help folks see how anger is most often preceded by hurt, pain, grief or the like. One of the worst things you can do with anger is to stuff it, keep it inside where it can build up and cause inappropriate expressions, sometimes to people who don’t even have anything to do with the original anger or hurt. A fancy word that therapists like to use is transference. This means that you transfer feelings that you have had for someone else—past or present—onto a different person. These feelings can be either positive or negative. Sometimes a person looks or acts similar to an ex-spouse and so the slightest remark could bring forth much anger that was not at all warranted in the current situation. Keeping anger inside can also be destructive to yourself, often causing depression or physical problems.
That’s what I think the author is referring to in Ephesians when he says, be angry but do not sin. The sinning would be to inappropriately express the anger or to express it to someone who had nothing to do with stirring up the original feeling. The part about not letting the sun set on your anger is a caution to process your anger quickly so that you won’t act out destructively on others or on yourself. It’s not that anger is a sin but to let it live inside of you will often lead to some kind of sin—alienation from someone, inability to forgive. So the point I want to leave you with in terms of anger is that Christian love and peace do not come about from withholding your anger or lying about your feelings. It’s better to be authentic than to be phony nice.
Speech is powerful and sometimes we will say things—hopefully, not intentionally but that too happens--that will hurt someone else. The Ephesians are told to put away bitterness and wrath and anger and malice and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you (31-2). In Psalm 130 we hear, “If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with you so that you may be revered.” V.3-4. When we are hurt badly, it’s so hard to forgive and it is even harder to forget. In Jeremiah, the prophet is telling the people about good times ahead for Israel when God will restore the fortunes and make the people honored. It will be a time of rejoicing and the Lord will forgive all their iniquity (wrong doing), and remember their sin no more. (32:34b) It’s not that God is forgetful; it’s that God does not hold our wrongdoing against us. God does not bring it up against us. Dr. Rev. Benjamin Reeves shares this story:
Two businessmen who were roommates in college met at a convention they were attending with their wives. One night they started reminiscing in the hotel bar and before they knew it, it was wee hours of the morning. They knew they would be in trouble with their wives, and the next day when they happened to see each other, one said, “Well what happened with your wife?” “When I walked in the door my wife got historical.” “Don’t you mean hysterical,” said the other man. “No, historical. She told me everything I ever did wrong. She got historical on me!”
God doesn’t get historical with us. I know it’s pretty hard to forget and in some ways for one’s self-protection, remembering is important. What doesn’t help is to hold these memories up and throw them back at the person when something happens.
In this church since I have been here—almost 3 years—there have been some incidents where things were done and said in such a way that people were hurt. Most of you probably can remember one or two. We have not always done our best in handling these situations. I do believe the kind of advice that is being given in Ephesians today is important for us to keep in mind as we continue to have the inevitable conflicts. I remember a former pastor of mine pointing out that it’s easy to show Christian love when we agree; it is when we disagree that our actions and words will show how seriously we take the teachings of Jesus. Reconciliation and forgiveness, including forgiveness of ourselves is so very important. The Ephesians passage tells the church that what we say needs to be useful for building up the body of Christ, part of which is here in Deering Community Church, so that our words may give grace to those who hear. The passage ends with telling us to be imitators of God, to live in love, as Christ loved us. Compassion, generosity, goodness is what we receive from God and what God wants us to share with others.
The author writes about not grieving the Holy Spirit. Grieving the Holy Spirit is disappointing the Spirit by not following the example of Jesus and the teaching of Paul. The Spirit wants to bear the fruits of love in us and through us. Forgiveness is so fundamental. Forgiveness means giving, not holding oneself back or holding something against others. To forgive we need to express the hurt and anger, let it go, and embrace those we have had hard feelings with just as God embraces us, no matter what we have done as long as we seek that forgiveness. God did not just tell us to love. God came and acted among us as love, in Jesus, the Christ. Jesus passed this love on to his disciples and continues to pass it on through the generation of faithful followers. God is still speaking to us. May God help us to speak truth in love, deal with our anger and whatever else may be blocking the Spirit from our life. May this church in Deering become a Beloved Community where we can help each other grow spiritually, learn forgiveness, and live in love as Christ loved us. Amen and Amen.
Our Ephesians passage today has so much good advice. I want to focus on how we as individuals in our church may speak in such a way that it will build us up and increase our bond to each other and our faithfulness to God. In keeping with my efforts to make you laugh, I found a couple of sentences that relate to this and many other sermons. First, “the average person’s idea of a good sermon is one that goes over his head and hits a neighbor.” And another, “Be a peacemaker …always remember that it’s hard to shake hands with a clenched fist.” And a final one which I hope doesn’t apply to DCC too often, “She was said to be a great preacher—at the close of every sermon there was a great awakening.”
Any of you that have been around churches for any length of time can recall times of anger, bitterness, hurt—sometimes so great that people leave the church and may not come back to the same church or any church ever again. As your pastor I do my best to be aware and listen to these hurts and make suggestions of how conflict might be resolved and/or forgiveness be given and received. The easier problems to resolve are those that are out in the open as opposed to those simmering inside, known or unknown to all the parties involved.
The author of Ephesians was addressing a young church, a church that included Gentiles who didn’t have a clue on what was expected of them. Not just the Gentiles in the early church but our church today don’t always know or agree with what it means to tell the truth. I’ve mentioned before that growing up I was told, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Sound familiar? We probably would all agree that speaking the truth in love has more to do with how we say things than what we say. We have all know people that just blurt things out without thinking and wish later they had said things differently. And on the other side how many times have you heard folks say I can’t tell her/him the truth as I know it would hurt.
There is definitely confusion about what Jesus has said and done with anger. In Matthew 5, part of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus seems to come out strongly against anger, comparing murder and anger, both meaning one is liable to judgment. A couple of verses later, Jesus goes on to talk about reconciliation, “If you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister and then come and offer your gift” v.23-4. And of course we know that Jesus became quite angry at the money changers in the temple as well as rebuking his disciples, such as when Peter was trying to deny Jesus’ prediction about his crucifixion and resurrection. The Bible says, “he rebuked Peter by saying “Get behind me, Satan.” The wording in Ephesians is interesting: “Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger. And do not make room for the devil.” (v.26-7).
In my clinical social worker days, I use to do assertiveness training. For those that may be unfamiliar with the term, it means speaking in a way that doesn’t put anyone else down and still expresses what you want to say. Although anger is often aggressive, it can be assertive, non-abusive but fully expressing with a louder voice than usual and more emotion how one feels. Expressing anger in this manner is what Ephesians is talking about. I truly believe that it is not wrong to feel or express anger; although expressing anger in a destructive, demeaning way is not okay. Let me give you an example: let’s say your young children continue to pull the kitten’s tail after having been reprimanded several times. An assertive anger response would be: I am really getting angry with you. I have told you not to pull the cat’s tale; it hurts him. Now stop doing it!” An aggressive use of anger here might be like this, “Damn you! Are you a dumb idiot? How many times do I have to tell you not to pull the cats tail? (and maybe following up with a slap).
Anger is usually a secondary feeling. As a therapist I tried to help folks see how anger is most often preceded by hurt, pain, grief or the like. One of the worst things you can do with anger is to stuff it, keep it inside where it can build up and cause inappropriate expressions, sometimes to people who don’t even have anything to do with the original anger or hurt. A fancy word that therapists like to use is transference. This means that you transfer feelings that you have had for someone else—past or present—onto a different person. These feelings can be either positive or negative. Sometimes a person looks or acts similar to an ex-spouse and so the slightest remark could bring forth much anger that was not at all warranted in the current situation. Keeping anger inside can also be destructive to yourself, often causing depression or physical problems.
That’s what I think the author is referring to in Ephesians when he says, be angry but do not sin. The sinning would be to inappropriately express the anger or to express it to someone who had nothing to do with stirring up the original feeling. The part about not letting the sun set on your anger is a caution to process your anger quickly so that you won’t act out destructively on others or on yourself. It’s not that anger is a sin but to let it live inside of you will often lead to some kind of sin—alienation from someone, inability to forgive. So the point I want to leave you with in terms of anger is that Christian love and peace do not come about from withholding your anger or lying about your feelings. It’s better to be authentic than to be phony nice.
Speech is powerful and sometimes we will say things—hopefully, not intentionally but that too happens--that will hurt someone else. The Ephesians are told to put away bitterness and wrath and anger and malice and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you (31-2). In Psalm 130 we hear, “If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with you so that you may be revered.” V.3-4. When we are hurt badly, it’s so hard to forgive and it is even harder to forget. In Jeremiah, the prophet is telling the people about good times ahead for Israel when God will restore the fortunes and make the people honored. It will be a time of rejoicing and the Lord will forgive all their iniquity (wrong doing), and remember their sin no more. (32:34b) It’s not that God is forgetful; it’s that God does not hold our wrongdoing against us. God does not bring it up against us. Dr. Rev. Benjamin Reeves shares this story:
Two businessmen who were roommates in college met at a convention they were attending with their wives. One night they started reminiscing in the hotel bar and before they knew it, it was wee hours of the morning. They knew they would be in trouble with their wives, and the next day when they happened to see each other, one said, “Well what happened with your wife?” “When I walked in the door my wife got historical.” “Don’t you mean hysterical,” said the other man. “No, historical. She told me everything I ever did wrong. She got historical on me!”
God doesn’t get historical with us. I know it’s pretty hard to forget and in some ways for one’s self-protection, remembering is important. What doesn’t help is to hold these memories up and throw them back at the person when something happens.
In this church since I have been here—almost 3 years—there have been some incidents where things were done and said in such a way that people were hurt. Most of you probably can remember one or two. We have not always done our best in handling these situations. I do believe the kind of advice that is being given in Ephesians today is important for us to keep in mind as we continue to have the inevitable conflicts. I remember a former pastor of mine pointing out that it’s easy to show Christian love when we agree; it is when we disagree that our actions and words will show how seriously we take the teachings of Jesus. Reconciliation and forgiveness, including forgiveness of ourselves is so very important. The Ephesians passage tells the church that what we say needs to be useful for building up the body of Christ, part of which is here in Deering Community Church, so that our words may give grace to those who hear. The passage ends with telling us to be imitators of God, to live in love, as Christ loved us. Compassion, generosity, goodness is what we receive from God and what God wants us to share with others.
The author writes about not grieving the Holy Spirit. Grieving the Holy Spirit is disappointing the Spirit by not following the example of Jesus and the teaching of Paul. The Spirit wants to bear the fruits of love in us and through us. Forgiveness is so fundamental. Forgiveness means giving, not holding oneself back or holding something against others. To forgive we need to express the hurt and anger, let it go, and embrace those we have had hard feelings with just as God embraces us, no matter what we have done as long as we seek that forgiveness. God did not just tell us to love. God came and acted among us as love, in Jesus, the Christ. Jesus passed this love on to his disciples and continues to pass it on through the generation of faithful followers. God is still speaking to us. May God help us to speak truth in love, deal with our anger and whatever else may be blocking the Spirit from our life. May this church in Deering become a Beloved Community where we can help each other grow spiritually, learn forgiveness, and live in love as Christ loved us. Amen and Amen.
posted by Sermons given at Deering Community Church @ 1:34 PM
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